Survival tips for coping with Mother’s Day and Infertility

May 03, 2021

Wake me up when Mother’s Day is over!!

THE most dreaded day in the whole year for someone who is trying to conceive (ttc).

It’s a slap in the face. Ok, it’s more like a dagger to the eye.

And it’s not just one day - it’s the lead up. It’s completely impossible to miss, and hard to escape!!

Gift ideas are plastered in our news feeds, in catalogues and on billboards for weeks beforehand.

Then on the actual day there are champagne brunches, retreats, picnics in the park, and I dare you to try and go out for breakfast or lunch without a reservation!!⠀

FOR 5 YEARS, MOTHER’S DAY WAS EASILY THE MOST PAINFUL DAY OF THE YEAR FOR ME.

The worst ones were when we were in the middle of an IVF cycle. You’d be injecting yourself in the morning thinking, how do I get out of this hell?!!

My poor husband wasn’t sure whether to get me flowers, chocolates or a bottle of wine (wine EVERY TIME!!) or check me into a mental facility.

Every single year that passed, the grief compounded. It was like someone had died - and I guess in a way, something had died. Each year that I was unable to celebrate Mother's Day, a little piece of my soul, a little piece of my hope, and a lot of my eggs died.

I would try to put my head in the sand and be happy for all the other mothers out there, but it only served to show me what I was missing out on. I was not pregnant.

I tried to be strong and pretend I was ok to those around me, but it hurt even more.

So how do you survive Mother’s Day when you’re struggling to fall pregnant?

How do you cope with infertility and IVF or IUI and miscarriages while everyone around you is celebrating their own motherhood?

Here are some Mother’s Day Survival tips for you -

  1. Acknowledge this day. Feel it. The pain, the frustration, the anger, the sadness, the fear. I used to try to ignore it and push down my pain. Tip – it didn’t go away, it just compounded. Don’t be afraid to say that yes, this day is shit, and I feel like shit. If it helps, take out your journal and download it all. Or call a girlfriend or even your mum (you probably should anyway) and let them know that you’re sad.

  2. Don’t be a hero. There is no need to punish yourself or try to prove that you’re a champion and that you’re FINE. Turn off social media for a few days. Don’t go out in public if you don’t want to. There is no need to attend a Mother’s Day high tea watching those around you exchange gifts. YOUR mum will understand if you ask to take her out another day.

  3. This may sting a little and if it does, you have my permission to skip it. Give thanks to all the amazing mother figures you have in your life that support and love you. YOUR mum, your Aunty, your grandmother. Turn your focus toward them and shower them with the love and the gratitude they deserve.

  4. Affirmations. It’s easy to start the internal dialogue in your head that this will never happen for you. I used to play that tape over and over in my head too. It all seems so hopeless on this day. Catch your thoughts and replace them with some beautiful affirmations. Be kind to yourself.

  5. Spoil yourself and indulge in a little self-care. If that looks like a tub of Baskin Robbins Peanut Butter and Chocolate Ice-cream (my personal fave) and staying on the couch watching re-runs of Sex and the City (another personal fave), then do it. Run yourself a bath, ask your partner for a foot massage and have an afternoon nap. Do all the things that give you comfort and make you feel loved and whole.

I want you to know you are not alone. You’re not the only one who is dreading this day. It is ok to hate it. We all do at some stage.

But you are a warrior. You will survive this day and this journey.

And in my eyes, you become a mother the day you decide to try.  

Sending you a whole bunch of love and comfort xx

 

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