I have a confession to make. There were so many times on my fertility journey that I just couldn't picture being a mum. I couldn't imagine the feeling of being pregnant. I'd close my eyes and try to see it, but so many times, I'd just get a blank screen.
And it scared the shit out of me.
I thought, if I can't see it happening, then I'm screwed. I thought it meant something. I thought it was a sign that I would never become a mum.
You see, I’m naturally a positive person. A glass half full kinda girl. But the longer we were trying to conceive, and the more things we tried, the further I fell. My positivity turned to cynicism. We had been faced with so many hurdles and road blocks that I was just anticipating the next one coming around the corner.
Don’t get me wrong – I tried really hard to be positive and hopeful, but there were times when I just couldn't. It was like my insides were completely disconnected from my outsides. Outside I was saying the right things – oh we’re really hopeful and all rosy smiles. But on the inside I was telling myself that it probably wouldn’t work.
And then I punished myself. THAT must be the reason why I haven't fallen pregnant. I'd think to myself, If only I can change my mindset and manifest the shit out of it, I'll fall pregnant and finally become a mum.
Let me tell you a little secret that I wish I had known back then......
Your mindset alone does NOT have the power to prevent you from falling pregnant.
Let me say that again……your mindset alone does NOT have the power to prevent you from falling pregnant.
That's right. Just because you went into a cycle without feeling full of hope or being able to picture your baby growing inside you DOES NOT mean anything.
Our first IVF cycle and our first transfer were the only ones I went into feeling completely hopeful. I remember getting photos of us in our hospital gowns, big smiles for the camera. It was new and exciting. That is the only photo we took of our IVF journey. Because after the first fail, it’s hard to be full of hope. There is always that little voice in the back of your head telling you to calm down – don’t get too excited.
So girl, drop that load you’ve been carrying.
You don’t have to punish yourself any longer.
HOWEVER......there is no denying that your mind and your thoughts yield a lot of power.
Your mindset DOES have the power to make you feel like shit.
Like when you find out that your best friend is pregnant and you tell yourself.......she's going to leave me behind just like all my other friends who have fallen pregnant, and one day I'm going to wake up and have no friends left.
Or when you finally fall pregnant, only to find that your anxiety level is at an all time high and you tell yourself.....I shouldn't feel like this and I should just get over it and stop being so ungrateful.
Or when your husband refuses to have sex with you when you're ovulating and you tell yourself.......it's because he doesn't want this as much as I do......and you start to resent him (and sex) and then feel guilty about it.
Or when you start avoiding social situations because you see babies everywhere or are scared of the insensitive questions and you tell yourself......I'm crazy and unhinged and weak.
Sometimes you just wish the thoughts would stop. The endless chatter inside your head that keeps you up at night. That prevents you from thinking about anything else but babies and motherhood. Those thoughts start taking over your life and sucking every bit of joy from your soul.
It doesn't have to be like this.
You CAN get the relief and peace that you've been craving.
You CAN stop the endless mind chatter and unhelpful thoughts.
You CAN choose NOT to believe them, and to stop punishing yourself.
If you’re struggling to fall pregnant, sustain a pregnancy or are currently pregnant and are suffering with anxiety, you can lift yourself out of the fog you’ve been in for way too long.
AND it doesn’t have to be a huge investment or take too much time.
It only needs to be a couple of small tweaks that you implement in your thought process, that will have a huge impact on the way you feel and travel throughout your journey to motherhood.
And don’t just take my word for it either - studies show the impact that small changes in mindset can have on your life. And they’re transformational.
Here’s an example of a mindset shift you can implement.
If you’re struggling with infertility and your thought is, I’m never going to be a mum or fall pregnant.
Firstly, that thought is incorrect. You don’t know that. So, try making a small shift to, I don’t know whether I’m going to be a mum or fall pregnant.
And after that feels comfortable, tweak it to, It is a possibility that I’m going to be a mum and fall pregnant.
Finally, you can make the change to WHEN I fall pregnant, not IF I fall pregnant.
It will make you feel SO much better.
Here’s another example of a mindset shift you can implement when you DO fall pregnant after infertility or loss. Because the anxiety doesn’t go away, in fact it’s amplified. There is a constant fear of miscarriage and you can’t fully relax into pregnancy.
Most of us who have been on this journey for some time know the statistics.
1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. But if we could change the thought process to 3 in 4 pregnancies result in a healthy baby, it will make you feel instant relief.
Sometimes it’s the smallest changes that can have the largest impact on our mental health.
And THAT is why I created The Lighthouse Project. A 4 week, online, self-paced course. Gentle guidance.
Small changes in your mindset and your habits.
Instead of adding something else to your “I really should be doing this” pile, let’s strip it back. Subtract the things you hate doing and hit the reset button.
Stand back up. Feel confident. Get direction. Step by step. One day at a time.
More information here -