The moment it all came crashing down for me like a house of cards. Everything I had ever believed in. Was when I realised that I didn’t have control over whether I fell pregnant or not each month.
And for someone who likes to have everything in order, who isn't the most patient, and who has grown up believing that hard work could get you anything you wanted.....it was a kick in the pants!
But what was more. I began to realise that I never had control to begin with. And it scared the crap out of me. I also felt a little betrayed.
I'll admit - when I found that out, I was shocked and it paralyzed me. I was unable to keep moving forward, because I thought.......what's the point?
We’ve all be there - you do ALL the things. It becomes an obsession and it consumes every single part of your life! You do the acupuncture, change your diet, drink the tea, eat brazil nuts and pineapple husks, trying like mad to meditate, do the fertility yoga. You sacrifice so much to have a baby, and then at the end of the month, it’s a big fat negative. And each time that happens, you realise you have less and less control.
You begin to lose faith in yourself, in the higher power that guides you, and life in general. That little seed of doubt is planted.
You may even start that dance, where you run like hell one month, all motivated. And then you do absolutely nothing the next month, because you're exhausted and disheartened. You're chasing your tail - it's no wonder your body is so confused!
Or, you could be like me, and start looking for signs and become superstitious. If an eyelash fell out, I would scramble to make sure I made a wish. Birthdays - while a source of disappointment at my aging eggs, provided an opportunity to make a wish while blowing out the candles. I avoided walking under ladders. I wished on shooting stars and dandelions.
I also went to my fair share of psychics when we were trying to conceive. I was so desperate to know what was next. I needed to know that everything that I was sacrificing, was for something. That I'd get my baby in the end. So, every time there was a crisis in my life, I lost faith and direction and ended up asking a complete stranger where my life was headed.
I didn't realise that I was still in control of ME. That I could separate myself from the goal and the journey and the constant obsessing over it.
Of course, by that stage I didn't even know who I was by then! I was a shadow of my former self.
What I now know is that......I was trying to control the river, instead of the ship. I was putting so much of my energy into things that I couldn't control, and it was exhausting, and pointless.
Taking back control starts first with the realisation. That while you are not in control of the outcome, you are in control of so much more!
And that is just the tip of the iceberg of things you have control over.
Now, if just reading all of that makes you feel exhausted, you're not alone. Yes, taking back control is great. Feeling empowered is amazing. But it also takes a lot of energy. AND it’s hard!!
And if you're anything like I was, sometimes just getting out of bed in the morning is an effort.
My point is that we all need an extra bit of motivation and guidance sometimes. Especially on our fertility journey. This is probably one of the toughest seasons you will ever have to go through.
But you don't have to do it alone.
If you're ready to rebuild yourself back up. Take back control of your life. Create strength and renewed purpose instead of fertility ruling your life.
Perhaps you're starting IVF in a couple of months and want to be fully prepared for the journey in front of you?
Maybe you've been trying ALL the things for years and are sick of being left behind (and even lapped) by your friends and family who keep having children.
Or you could be so sick of talking about your fertility struggles with your friends and family, and crave a separate space to download and be heard by someone who has walked down this path too.
Where ever you're at, you don't have to waste a minute longer feeling lost or overwhelmed on this soul-destroying journey.
Because let's face it - infertility has an expiry date. Your biological clock keeps getting louder and louder!
You can take action NOW by inquiring about my 1:1 private coaching program. You can grab a spot right now by emailing me at [email protected]
If you'd like to learn more, click the link below.