Letting go of that picture in your head of the perfect pregnancy

Nov 16, 2020

We ALL have that picture in our head of how things are going to happen when we make the decision to have a baby.

We stop taking contraception, we start making hot passionate love with our partner, and then we fall pregnant……..right?

For some that may be true, but for most couples - 1 in 8 Americans and 1 in 6 Australians, it doesn’t go down that way. Infertility is very real. We feel like we’re the only ones this is happening to, but the statistics say otherwise.

I blame my addiction to romantic comedies for that picture I had in my head.

For me, the moment that picture came crashing down around me was the day I found myself on the train to work, with a warm cup of sperm nestled safely inside my handbag.

How? It was simple really.

We were undergoing IVF treatment and my husband had to provide a sample to the clinic. His work was nowhere near the IVF clinic, however, I worked down the road. So, we decided that I would make the delivery and then head off to work.

For those of you who aren’t aware, there is a time limit between ejaculating (sorry) and deposit, so the clock was ticking. That morning I waited (not so) patiently for my husband to do his thing, begging him to hurry because I was going to be late for the train. Once the deed was done, I swiftly took said sample and after checking the lid was secure (several times), put it in my handbag and hopped on the train.

Ensuring my hand bag was warm under my arm (another requirement for the sample), the other passengers sitting next to me on the train were completely unaware of what they were in close proximity of.

At the time it seemed quite normal, which was a very good indication that my version of normal was off the charts, bat shit crazy.

At the beginning of our fertility journey, we all have that picture in our head.

It all starts out so wonderful. And for some of us it ends with you sitting on a train with a cup of sperm in your handbag.

That picture that we have in our head of the perfect path to pregnancy causes us the most pain. We can’t move forward because we keep going back to it. Every time something new gets thrown our way - endometriosis, Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), low AMH, or the worst……unexplained infertility - we grieve that picture.

That’s why we feel so devastated, lost and angry when those around us get what we had planned. Because that was OUR picture.

In order to release those negative emotions, we must ditch the picture in our head.

So how do you do that?

Here are 5 ways to help you release that picture in your head when you're trying to conceive (ttc) and start to go with the flow a little more.

  1. Breathe. Yep, I went there!! But I'm serious - it’s a great way to clear your head and eliminate the frustration and anger. We can’t do anything if we’re not in control of our emotions.

  2. Acknowledge that you can’t control everything. As a self-confessed control freak, this is a tough task, however it is a fact. Ask yourself – is there something you can do to turn back the hands of time? Is this outdated picture serving you any longer? Can you do something about this?

  3. Accept life’s imperfections. Hands up my fellow perfectionists? Exhausting, isn’t it?!! When we accept that no-ones path to pregnancy is perfect (even though it may look like it from the outset), things get a little easier. Meditating is a great way to let go and release the things you’ve been holding onto so tightly (check out my YouTube video on how a Type A personality meditates here.)

  4. Change your perspective. While I wouldn’t wish this path on anyone else, I can now sit back and see my story as that. Just another chapter in a colourful life. Try to think of the good things that have come out of this journey since you started. A strength, a friendship or a support group, some funny stories. Ask yourself, how will you look back and see this in 10 years’ time?

  5. Swim with the current instead of against it. It's exhausting trying to go back to that picture we started with. Instead of swimming against the current and wasting all that energy, let go and start floating with it. You never know where it will lead.

And one day, when you sit down and explain this story to your children, you’ll have an amazing story of endurance, persistence………and so much LOVE.

If you’d like some extra support to help you release that picture in your head and allow you to move forward on your fertility journey, message me here.

Would you like to know more about how you can work with me, so you can get back control of your life and start moving forward?  My 1:1 coaching program is packed with information, tools and support. Find out how you can get on the wait list now.  

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