Do affirmations REALLY work to get you pregnant?

Affirmations can be a source of relief, and can also make you feel foolish at the same time.  It all depends on why you’re using them, and how you’re using them.

I love a good inspirational quote, however an affirmation about me specifically, can sometimes feel like a stretch.  You see, I’m a realist, and I don’t like being wrong.  I need to believe what I say within a shadow of a doubt, or I won’t say it out loud.

Of course, on my 7-year fertility journey, I searched high and low for that magical cure to my infertility. And at some point, during one of my hundreds of hours spent on google, I heard about affirmations.  Given I’m an all or nothing kind of girl, I chanted affirmations until I was blue in the face.

And then when it didn’t come true, I took it personally. Maybe I wasn’t doing it enough? Maybe I wasn’t doing it right?  It became a source of frustration in itself (on top of the frustration that comes with infertility).

My problem was twofold. Firstly, I didn’t believe the words I was saying, and secondly, I was so jaded because it wasn’t working, that I became cynical about it. 

Whenever I chanted “my body is healthy and fertile”, I knew it was completely false.  Because every month I got a negative pregnancy test was proof that my body wasn’t healthy or fertile.  It made me feel foolish and even worse – it was proof of yet another thing I was failing at.

If you too are a realist and are sick of feeling foolish at the hands of affirmations that aren’t working, then this is for you.

I’m going to show you how I’ve integrated affirmations into my life, and those of my clients too.  But in a healthy and genuine way.  In a way that feels good – like a nice warm hug.

Firstly, we need to understand WHY you are using affirmations. Yes, the ultimate goal is always to have a baby.  But when we use them in a way to manifest and make them true, it puts a lot of pressure on you. And you’re already carrying so much obligation and responsibility right now, you don’t need anything else loaded on top of you. 

However, if you’re using them to give you a little hope, to help you feel lighter and a little more optimistic, then this is a goal that you can certainly achieve with affirmations.

The trick is to find a few affirmations that feel good for you. Where you don’t have to clear your throat or choke, when you say them out loud or in your head.

They also have to be relevant for where you’re at.  Have a think about a few of the constant thoughts you’re plagued with at the moment.  What is the internal dialogue, the fears, the doubts and the self-punishing thoughts that keep repeating themselves in the background? 

This is a great starting point. Because those thoughts are usually bullshit, and they serve to make us feel like crap. I’ll give you some of the thoughts that kept coming up for me on my fertility journey –

I’m never going to get pregnant.

This is a sign I’m not meant to be a mother.

This is all my fault.

I’m a bad person because I can’t be happy when those around me get pregnant.

Now the trick with these is not to move straight to the opposite ends, because you’ll trigger your gag reflex and your bullshit radar will go off and shut down. It’s to move a few degrees away from that thought each day.  And one day, you may just get to that point of belief…..who knows??!!  If you don’t, that’s ok too.

For example, if we move straight from, I’m never going to get pregnant, to I am going to get pregnant. It may feel a little fake, however, if we keep moving a few degrees away from it, you may get there. 

Here, let me show you…….

I’m never going to get pregnant / I don’t know if I’m going to get pregnant / There’s a possibility that I may get pregnant / I’m going to get pregnant.

Or……

This is a sign I’m not meant to be a mother / I don’t know if I’m going to be a mother / There’s a possibility that I’ll be a mother / I am meant to be a mother.

These are gentle reframes, to move you away from the negative, and closer to the positive.

You can also use a strategy of self-talk when those self-punishing thoughts come up i.e. I’m a bad person because I can’t be happy when those around me get pregnant

Try creating some statements around it or in response, such as –

This journey is tough / My reactions are normal based on my circumstances / I have been through so much / My sadness and anger is aimed at my path, not theirs / I am human.

Another strategy is to convert some existing affirmations that feel fake, to questions. That way you don’t have to say them with certainty.  You are merely putting it out into the universe as a question. You can use this strategy to sit in the wonder and the possibility. It also gets us out of the victim mentality of why is this happening to me? And it asks a better question, with a kinder and more compassionate answer.

For example, you can make these switches…….

I know my baby is coming to me……….what if my baby is coming to me?

My body is capable of getting pregnant………what if my body is capable of getting pregnant?

I know I will be an amazing mother……what if I’m an amazing mother?

You’d be amazed the relief that comes with repeating some mantra’s that feel good for you.  That give you a little comfort and peace. That align with your heart and your soul. And allow you to take a deep breath in and exhale it fully.

Like anything, using affirmations is a practice. Work out what strategy feels good for you. But once you find the right ones, you’ll know it. 

Feel free to put your affirmations on sticky notes around your home, as a screen saver on your phone, or write them in your journal.

And remember that you can keep changing them based on where you’re at too.  Something that worked a couple of months ago, may not feel as good today.  This is all about learning to listen to yourself. Working out what feels good for you in each moment. And pivoting and changing as a result.