How do you have BELIEF, when your mind keeps imagining the worst-case scenario?Feb 28, 2022
Do you ever catch yourself creating a scenario in your mind that is similar to that of a horror film? And then something will happen that jolts you back to your current reality (where you are completely safe), and you’re like…..what on earth was that?!!
It could be watching someone cross the street and imagining a bus running over them and then acting out what you would do in that situation. Or it could be playing a scene where you’re injecting yourself with your trigger shot during an IVF cycle and the needle breaks off and you’re unable to make the trigger window.
Sometimes that scene is inspired by a past experience, such as a miscarriage or a failed cycle. Or it could be a party that you went to, where there was a surprise pregnancy announcement and you ran out in tears. It can start with our past reality, and then we build upon it to make it a little more dramatic. Or it could be inspired by something we have witnessed someone else going through. But we keep replaying it over and over again. It’s not helpful and it makes you feel disheartened and stressed out.
These are what I refer to as mental movies. They are the scenes we play in our mind that always point to the worst-case scenario. No, it’s not just you! We all do it.
When you go and see a horror film, you know it’s not real. So, while you’re scared, you know it isn’t going to happen. But when we create our own mental movies, we trick our brain into thinking it’s real. And the effect this film has on us is not just mental, it’s physical. It can increase your heart rate and put you into a stressed state.
If you’re sick of living in a horror film, I’m going to share an exercise that you can do, to help you rewire your brain. So, you can walk out of the theatre. And choose a better film. Instead of choosing horror, you can create a romantic comedy with a happy ending, that is going to reduce your stress levels AND make you feel a little warmer inside.
And not only is it going to do that, but it will also help you with your belief.
Because belief is something we struggle with daily, for a number of reasons.
Firstly, we’ve been sucked down the blind faith and belief path before, and we got burned. It could have been your first IVF cycle where you fully expected it to work, and it didn’t. It could be a positive pregnancy test that resulted in a loss. It can strip away the innocence of pregnancy. And for a lot of us, it’s the first time we’ve experienced real loss.
Plus, we’re hit with the reality that we are not in control of the ultimate result, no matter how hard we work at it. All of these things shake our belief. And then we punish ourselves because we feel foolish. We become bitter and jaded. So, we close our hearts off a little.
Secondly, our belief waivers because of our need for certainty. We would rather be right, than have belief and be wrong. We punish ourselves if we have hope or belief and get it wrong.
What happens then is that we find ourselves disconnecting from the whole experience. And then of course we freak out, because we read something that said, if you just believe, it will happen. Or you can manifest your future if you just have faith. And we punish ourselves when it doesn’t work, because we feel like it’s our fault because we didn’t believe enough.
Let me set the record straight. Infertility and pregnancy loss has nothing to do with the fact that your belief wasn’t strong enough. I have spoken to a lot of fertility specialists and none of them have ever said this was the cause. So you can let go of that right now.
The reason we want to have belief however, is because it feels good. We don’t want to be negative or without faith.
So before I show you this exercise that can help you with your belief, I will say this. Even though it doesn’t feel like you have belief. Even though you’re not shouting it from the rooftops. Even though you can’t bring yourself to chant affirmations of belief (I couldn’t either), let me share this.
You DO believe. You haven’t lost it. It’s just buried a little deeper down under the hurt. If you didn’t have belief, you wouldn’t be putting yourself through this, would you? So belief doesn’t have to be outspoken, it could merely be that whisper in your heart that says…..let’s try again.
So what is this exercise you can do to stop replaying the worst case scenario and tap into your belief?
First, let me be clear - this exercise is not about manifesting. Nor is it about creating a new picture of how we believe our reality is going to look, or what is supposed to happen. Because that is setting us up for failure and disappointment if it doesn’t happen. It’s also putting too much pressure on yourself. Your brain likes to be right, so if you look at it as creation, and you get it wrong, that voice in your head will punish you.
This is all about shifting our mindset from the worst-case scenario. It’s about changing the channel. You are no longer going to watch a horror film; we’re changing it to something a little lighter – like a romantic comedy. But without the drama, it’s all going to be smooth sailing. Remember – this is a movie.
And it will help you with your belief, because it will change the pattern our brain takes. Because you’re not continually replaying the worst-case scenario, it will stop the negative thoughts. And gradually over time, you will start to feel a little more positive. This is the way to effect lasting change – and real believable change, is to create a small shift.
Here’s how it works. Choose a mental movie that you currently keep playing over and over in your mind. It could be a baby shower that you have to attend, or your next IVF transfer. Your mind has probably already created a movie of what happens – and it isn’t pretty. So, we’re going to create a new scene.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Imagine waking up that morning, with the sun slowly seeping through the curtains. The sky is blue, you’re well rested in your big bed with fluffy pillows and comfy sheets. You have a long, luxurious shower and wash your hair, then come into the kitchen where the smell of coffee and croissants are wafting in the air. Your partner and you both have the day off and head down to the beach, feeling the sunshine and sea air on your face. Then you head to the baby shower / IVF clinic, listening to music and feeling anticipation for a lovely experience. Everything goes well at the party / clinic. Then you head home, and on the way, you stop off for an ice-cream (no calories, because this is just a movie). And then……..you get my drift.
If you can create a horror film, you can create a happy one too. And it doesn’t have to be believable, because remember, it’s a movie. You’re not creating your reality, merely choosing to walk out of the theatre or change the channel.
This is a great way to reduce your stress (which in turn increases your fertility).
Because most of the time we worry about things that never eventuate. I love that quote – I’ve got 99 problems, and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stress about for absolutely no logical reason.
So let’s get rid of the scenarios that are stressing you out, and create happier ones.
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